3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
