That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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