I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
