Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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