I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
