He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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