hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
