i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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