It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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