If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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