Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ketchup is God's man juice
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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