Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
