it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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