So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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