Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
