It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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