dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
