i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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