: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
