so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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