Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
