She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
