I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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