dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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