If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
