he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
