I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
and you fell through a lawn chair
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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