Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
