I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
