Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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