Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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