You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
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Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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