Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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