What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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