I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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