I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
