I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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