Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
