Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
