If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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