So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
