He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
