Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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