It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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