When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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