If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
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