her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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