All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
