You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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