I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
