He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
did you just send me my own nude
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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