Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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