hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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