ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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