I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
