Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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