Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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