I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
