I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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