Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
