Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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