I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
