the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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