Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
