Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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