fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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